My “worst” year ever and why this is GREAT news for you…
————-
This is the first post on this blog.
It’s been months since I did anything in the “internet marketing” niche. No emails, no promotions, no articles, no products, no nothing.
You probably think “Aaaaahh… George must be retired, living on a Greek island.”
I wish!
I do live in Greece (next to the sea but not on an island) - but the REAL reason I “disappeared’ for the last few months is because I started having all kinds of “emotional and mental issues.” No, I’m not schizophrenic, although for a while I wasn’t too sure about that either.
To make a long story short:
- I lost my focus almost completely
- I felt no “drive” to wake up in the morning and do something worthwhile
- I had erratic sleep schedule - often staying up till 4:00 AM watching TV
- I started doubting myself and my “game”
- I started “hating” this industry that has been so good to me
- I started hating myself!
Instead of focusing on my business and the people in my life that mattered (both “business people” and “life people”), I was just playing “Call of Duty 4″ in order to get my “daily adrenaline fix” (That was until the freaking game fried my laptop beyond repair).
But “don’t cry for me Argentina.” All this was a blessing in disguise…
At some point I started “waking up.” The process was slow at first but I did realize that something had to change.
Why does someone abandon everything good in his life? It makes zero sense, right?
So, I went into “research mode” and decided that I would get to the bottom of it. And when I say to the bottom of it, I mean the BOTTOM. I’m not talking about learning another “cool trick” that makes money (although “tactics” are useful too).
But what was the ROOT cause of all this?
Aaaaahhh… if only there was only ONE root…
What I “discovered”, was that I was MUCH more screwed up than I thought.
Here are only SOME of the things I found I was “suffering” from: (you may want to grab your favorite beverage!)
- Low self esteem
- Perfectionism
- Procrastination
- Fear of being judged
- Fear of failure
- Fear of rejection
- Total luck of being organized
- No clear purpose in mind
- Had “opportunistic” mindset chasing the “new deal” that would appear
- Worrying too much about what “others may think”
- Egomaniac and narcissistic (THINKING that people sucked and I ruled)
- Paying attention to the “noise” made by many instead of listening to the “voice” of those few that I should
- Information overload
- Thinking short term instead of long term
- Not knowing how to really learn and absorb the information available
- Performance anxiety
- Playing other people’s “games” instead of playing my own
- Thinking that everyone who is “in business” is a scumbag
- I wanted to be a “lone wolf” hiding in my cave - without having to “deal” with other people
- Not being able to distinguish what piece of advice was important and what not (even if they were all “correct”)
- THINKING that everyone SHOULD think and react exactly like myself
- Creating “boxes” inside my head and trying to fit the world and people in those boxes
- Not realizing how fast the Internet REALLY changes
- Not realizing how fast life REALLY passes by
- I was lazy
- Fear of people “finding out what I do”
- Falling in love with one specific system and refusing to look outside it
- Mental masturbation: Being addicted to seeking out more and more information, without the need for it
- Browsing forums to get filled in on the latest “gossip”
- Playing video games “because they are more interesting than the real world”
- Not wanting to answer my phone and talk to family
- Not getting out of the house much at all
- I was eating junk food to “fill the void”
- Thinking that “intelligence is the ticket” - and forgetting all about “emotional intelligence” and “social intelligence”
- Thinking that black hat people are evil
- Thinking that white hat people are evil
- Thinking that gray hat people are evil
- Letting my “primitive mind” govern how I made decisions and acted
- Knowing that something was wrong but having no clue what it really was
Hey - I told you I was screwed up!
So, why is all this depressing stuff great news for you?
Because I have now managed to deal with almost all of them. More importantly, I have taken copious notes of the entire process and I’m willing to share my new findings with you. I will also be sharing some new “tricks” I have learned about marketing products and services on the internet (no matter what the niche is). There’s nothing to buy. This is not a “product launch.” I’m only interested in doing what is right and feels right - and let the chips fall where they may.
I will do my best to post on this blog at least 2-3 times a week, if not more. And I will pack every single post with a lot of value that you can take to the bank immediately.
Feel free to post below or even email me. If you have any thoughts, questions or comments (positive or not-so-positive), I’m all ears and I WANT to hear from you!
Talk tomorrow,
George
Wow George. I always knew something was seriously wrong with you ;). But cool to see you are back on track. Looking forward to reading your next blogpost :)
Hi George, Its been a long time, I was starting to wondering what happened to you..
Good to hear from you again
best wishes
Hi George,
I can sympathise, my working life collapsed around me a few years back and I disappeared into a dark hole for several months. I eventually came out of it but it took me another couple of years to totally get back to what I had called normal self confidence!
You have of course hit so many nails on the head in your list of what you felt that reflect many problems faced by other would-be IMers! I think there should be a lot of interest in your Blog and as long as you can help others overcome their problems/stumbling blocks you’ll prove a long term asset all over again!
Good Luck……… I’m trying to re-organise my own schedules now to allow better use of my time to make my OnLine experience profitable this year.
Let’s both move forward through 2009
John
George…
SO sorry to hear you went through all that, but glad you got through it while you’re still young & healthy… Welcome back!
You’ve always been one of the ‘good guys’ - and we can’t afford to lose you - as a marketer or as a friend!
Be well & make 2009 be what you want it to be…
Your Canadian friends,
Teri & Doug Champigny.
Hi George - Great to hear from you! Sorry to hear of a traumatic 08 but pleased you have resolved the issues and come out stronger the other side. I’ve always liked your own take on things and writing style - so your blog will be one of the very few things that I will probably read this year (I am deleting about 95% of my other email lists subscriptions at present!)
Happy new year
John Hillage
Hi George
Good to hear from you.
Sorry to hear about your problems. You have just about encapsulated all the problems I can think of, so you must really have been struggling.
One question.
A lot of your issues revolve around lack of focus, which is a big problem for many.
Yet another problem you mention is focusing on one thing to the exclusion of all else.
How did you resolve this paradox?
Best wishes
Charlie
George,
Welcome back!
I was wondering why you where so quiet..
I would add to your list:
Disconnecting yourself from the people that care about you.
But now that all this has been spelled out, how do you plan to move forward? Making public commitments is very powerful.
Regards,
Juan Pablo
PS: “don’t cry for me Argentina” is about a girl that went to the full extent of her dreams..
Hi George -
Happy New Year!
I went through a similar process a few years back and understand all too well the trials and tribulations of getting through something like this.
If I could sum everything up into one sentence which I hope can help, it is this:
The old maxim “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, is in fact true.
Do NOT beat yourself up over this and take it for what it is. It takes strength and discipline to wield power (without becoming an arrogant SOB) and the first step to fixing a problem is, of course, to understand that there is a problem.
The most important thing to remember is that it is a process and - like all processes - it takes time to complete (and heal).
I have “known” you for several years now and there are a few desciptions you missed out on your list:
Friendly, patient, caring, generous and honest.
These are all part of you too!
Life is what we make it, so get your boots on and walk tall into 2009 with another valuable experience under your belt. What you have learned this past year will serve you well for the rest of your life.
Remember, it’s the same light that shines through every window! ;o)
Kindest regards,
Chris
Hey George
Good to hear from you again, your email is one of the few I always open….I wondered what rock you crawled under :)
When I was reading your list of problems I thought you were looking in my window! I too have gone through the deep dark night of despair and I can at least some degree empathize with your situation. It’s pretty brave of you to share your situation.
I can tell you that after bouncing on the bottom a couple of times it was only the discovery of Faith in JC that kept me going. I know that can be a pretty divisive thing to say in a public forum, but often times when one hits the bottom his salvation comes from a bottle, a pistol or from true Faith in God.
You’re a good person….you’ve helped me in the past and my heart goes out to you….I’ll keep you in my prayers and if you have any specific requests…..please let me know!
Best Wishes my friend….and I pray for God’s Blessings for you.
Scott
I forgot to mention…if you need any help with graphics or website templates….just let me know, would be glad to help.
I know you’re not much of a graphic person, but maybe you’ll need a website template or two….please take me up on this offer….I’d like to be able to help
Scott
Thanks for the comments everybody. I appreciate it. Although I won’t be able to answer all comments one on one, I read everything very carefully. :-)
Some answers to a couple of questions:
@ Chris: Yes, on one hand I lacked focus, on the other I was “focusing blindly” on a specific way of doing things (nice catch BTW!).
Although I understood the VALUE of focus and I was trying to apply it, I wasn’t always successful. You can be focused and unfocused at the same time. For example: Focusing only on “writing articles” but not doing it consistently. Or, focusing only on PPC but not tweaking your campaigns consistently.
Also, it’s important to have focus AFTER you are at least aware of what all your “good” options are.
@ Juan: Yes, disconnecting from the people that care was a big one. I mentioned briefly in the post that I didn’t really want to talk to family. One of the reasons is because I felt I wouldn’t be understood (but once I explained a few things, they were much more understanding than I thought they would be).
As far as how I plan to go forward goes: One step at a time. Putting one foot in front of the other. I’m not really worried in the least. For some weird reason, I have a deep belief and confidence that everything will turn out great.
George
Dude, there is nothing wrong with you.. neither is there with any of the stuff you mentioned, I do them every single day. Seriously though, I’d reckon at one point you got too close to everything you were doing and that’s what pushed you off the edge… it’s all part of being great :) Glad to have you back.
Hey George,
Nice to hear from you and glad you’re back.
Hope 2009 treats ya well :-)
Actually, I can relate to the “lost my focus almost completely”… &… “started doubting myself and my “game”
It kind’a happens to me on and off; I’d be all pumped up one month trying all kind of split tests and different traffic sources… then, 2 months later, I’d feel like pulling out; trying another niche; or simply trying something else all together!
Anyways, let 2009 roll with some good news ;-)
Mohamed
- I started hating myself!
One more thing: sometimes it seems like everything hits ya at the same time… (it’s like a roll of bad karma or something). Like December 2008, I had my laptop burnout, my car into major service and my phone barely works!
Was upset for about 2 weeks… but I guess it’s sort of a cleansing period where I’m supposed to brush it off and get back up
Jasu George,
If I didn’t know better I’d say you’ve had a middle life crisis :o)
In my case I’ve turned to booze, but look, I’m OK!
Many times you need to hit bottom to get a better perspective… you’ll be fine.
George,
You have always been a GREAT encourager to me. Let’s not lose sight of all the good you have done — and will continue to do.
Who among us has not, at the very LEAST, lost serious focus? Yet there is not, as the saying sort of goes, good company in misery. When times are good, everyone is your friend. When you and I struggle, we struggle alone.
Or so we think.
I think you’ve seen the light at the end of the tunnel. I encourage you to get, if you don’t already have one, a trustworthy friend and confidant who will require that you be accountable to him. He’ll help you set goals and maintain discipline.There’s nothing like a friend who loves you, warts and all, and won’t LET you buy into “excuses.”
But know this: you have been a friend to every one of us you ever helped. I speak from experience. Let us encourage YOU now. Read the “thanks” and the appreciation; I see it throughout these posts.
You may be far away from many of us, especially those of us here in the US, but you don’t have to be a stranger. I’m sure many of us, like me, would be flattered to hear from you and be your friend, not just a fellow marketer.
@ Scott: Hey Scott ;-)
Yeah, I started with this minimalistic WP theme. Chances are I will have some custom work on it done. For now, I just wanted to get going. Thanks for the offer - I’ll keep it in mind.
George
Thanks guys for all the comments - mucho appreciated!
- George
Good to see you turn things around.
You’re probably one of the 10 smartest marketers I’ve seen online in the past 5 years…
But at the same time, you fell into the drab and BS of the other rip off artists online by “marketing to your list till they buy or die” mentality.
WTF?
This does work on paper but leaves you “soul-less”
Anyhow…
Hope to see you do well for yourself and enrich others and in the process be enriched.
Ed
Thanks Ed…
Guilty as charged - and I take full responsibility for that.
I’ll now make up for it times 10.
George
George Hi . Welcome back it’s a miserable road
But most have travelled it, Been there.
But You come back much stronger
Here’s to a Very Happy and Prosperous New Year
John
Happy New year George - your absence was noted but you are forgiven for neglecting me :-)
Yeah - it’s just “life”
so enjoy this year eh?
:-)
Alex
I was wondering where you were…i last got your email about a report on how to make 260 in 3 hours…
Anyways… Its a new year…get a new focus and get back in the game. I remember getting the whole picture on web traffic from one of your ebooks you released for free….It was after that that my IM career kicked off!
Hope you come back stronger than ever…ill be checking back every few days!
You were one of the individuals whom I admired and who bothered to reply and communicate with me.
I am looking forward to more of you and your offbeat way of doing things.
Welcome back and thank you for being so open and honest with everyone. I do understand where you are coming from because all of your symptoms were like looking at myself in the mirror. I will be watching for your future postings and hopefully learn how you pulled yourself up by your boot-straps and got back onto the saddle again. I personally think the holidays drain a lot from many of us, although mine has lasted much longer.
I hope 2009 is a good year for ALL OF US.
One has to “hit bottom” before being able to start “back up”
It may be “up hill” from here on,
but the steps & foot holds have already been made & the trail is clear.
We’ll be here.
Bill J.
Hi George…
You previouly received my queries about wha-hppen to ya.
Hey…was that YOU standing behind me in the mirror? Your Blog describes EXACTLY 100% the way I’ve felt in a long time and still feel now.
My computer hard drive crashed because of some ^$@#@* hacker killed it with Spyware and I lost many thousands of dollars of programs, sites, important E-mails, photos, etc from the past ten years…and yahoo did the same thng to me with hundreds of thousands of things saved on it on various addresses over the years.
I lost all my contacts and ot to the point that I don’t give a crap anymore with that and everything else personall happening all at once.
I hven’been online for about two years…pissed off at life is to ut it moderately.
I had replaced the stolen compuer which I told you about, along with everything else I had of value while I was in the hospital for terminal lung cancer surgery…then that hard drive crash did it again.
Not crying here, you understand…not feeling sorry for myself…can’t afford that ‘luxury’. :-) …just explaining that you just put into words every emotion and feeling boiling within as you had…just happy YOU finally overcame them.
If you hear of anyone who has a good used laptop they’d like to dump at a cheap pice…let me know. This ole MSN=WEBTV bowser doesn’t have a hard drive and frustrating because I can no longer do what’s important anymore.
Maybe I’ll jest axe Bill Gates for one ‘next time we do lunch’. L-) Take care m’friend.
Best Wishes And God’s Blessings To You And Yours In Everything Always, As Always.
Most Respectfully…
~ ED
Good to have you back in the land of theh living, George.
If I can be of any help (and I think that maybe I can) let me know.
Dave
dave@fatherdave.org
http://www.fatherdave.org
Hi George,
Over the past 10 years I have experienced many of the problems that you have described. I’m taking medication for some of this but I still struggle. While in graduate school I have decided to put almost everything else on the back burner. It seems that after 5 years of trying to make it on the Internet I will have to settle for a job because I lack what it takes to make it in my own business. However, I still want my own business but simply can’t stay focused because I have too much going on at once. I understand what you have experienced and am glad that you made it through to the other side.
Thanks everybody for the kind words. Verry appreciated.
- George
Hi George,
I honestly can’t say that I remember you from 3 or 4 months ago before you hit your wall. As for me, I was able to relate to most of what you had to say in this post. (That may be why I don’t remenber you.) I am on your list however, so at least I can say I knew something about you once! :o)
As for this post, you hit home with me! I’m all ears man!
Dan
Hi George,
Amazing… I was only thinking about you today.
Welcome back. Glad to hear you’re regaining your focus & clarity.
I sure can identify with your year which has been full of challenges. Most of our year was spent in a total downhill spiral after my son’s dad passed away 3 days before xmas… 12 months ago.
We’re back on track..(though we have our moments)… and 2009 is a year full of promise (despite the daily news headlines) & time to gain focus, control and to move forward.
Take care & my thoughts are with you. I look forward to your updates.
It’s another steamy summer’s day in Sydney Ausralia!
Hey George,
Man, I was thinking about you about less than a week ago. It occurred to me that I hadn’t heard from you in some time. All of the other marketers whose lists I’m on sends me email constantly! I thought you maybe had found some online goldmine and just didn’t have the time or need to promote to your list regularly any more. Little did I know you were going through your own private hell.
Of course I was very sorry to read of your problems. And very glad you found the tools to work your way out of the woods.
Glad you’re back stronger than ever buddy. :-)
Kind Regards,
Robert Blake
Philadelphia
Hi George,
Great to hear from you again!
I can relate to a lot of those issues that affected you — we all (or almost all) go through them to one extent or another at one point or another. In fact, I’m still struggling to overcome quite a few of them at this very point in time. However, I’m feeling quite confident right now and that counts for a lot.
Anyway, welcome back and here’s wishing you a great 2009!
Michael
Thanks guys - you rock!
George
tough times pass… tough people last…
Hey George,
Post 8 and 36 sum it up from people who really care and have done as you have done…make a list of your fears and failures, then confront that list.